You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
