Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
