we have pet lesbian snakes
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize