it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
