tell your sister to shave her snatch
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just had sex on a roof
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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