he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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