there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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