do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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