Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
