Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Come on in and take your pants off
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