she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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