I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
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I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
PANTIES FOUND
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