in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Randomize
