Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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