i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
