I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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