i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I looked at my own cervix.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
