Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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