Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
