I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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