Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
