i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He passed out mid-signature
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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