I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
