I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
