If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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