so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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