someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
