my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
