So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
