And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
