I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
