So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
