Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
