how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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