i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
