Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
