If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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