the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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