I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
