He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
