Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
