I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
