who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Randomize
