why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
