Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
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