Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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