Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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