I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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