God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
