I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
