just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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