She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
