You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
