Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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