Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
