It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
