There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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