My nipple is on Facebook.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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