She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
