A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize