Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
