It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
