Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
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I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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