Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
