Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
