My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
