The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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