I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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