and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
