If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
