dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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