One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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