We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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