My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
The air taste purple.
Randomize
