I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
